Auf Instagram versucht Mama Ashley ihre Trauer in Worte zu fassen.
US-Influencerin Ashley Stock und ihr Mann trauern um ihre 3-jährige Tochter Stevie. Das Mädchen starb vergangene Woche an einem riesigen Hirntumor. Seit Ashley von der Diagnose erfuhr, schreibt sie über die letzten schönen Momente mit ihrer Tochter und den Schmerz. Stevie starb schließlich am 27. Mai an der schweren Krankheit.
"Um 13.05 Uhr am 27. Mai nahm Stevie ihren letzten Atemzug in unseren Armen. (...) Im Moment bin ich überwältigt von der Erleichterung, dass sie jetzt ihren Frieden gefunden hat, aber ich fühle mich auch erdrückt von einem Schmerz, der so intensiv ist, dass ich ihn nicht in Worte fassen kann. Ich lasse ihn nach und nach heraus, so, wie wenn man den Deckel einer Soda-Flasche sanft abdreht und den aufgebauten Druck nach und nach etwas lockert, damit er nicht explodiert. (...) Denn wenn ich alles auf einmal loslasse, weiß ich nicht, wie ich das überleben soll."
????Stevie Lynn Stock ???? 3 years old. Seed Planter. Miracle Maker. Light Giver. Heart Healer. Blue eyed, dimpled smile, curly haired forever baby girl. Adored little sister, daughter and friend. At 1:05pm on May 27th, Stevie took her final breath in our arms. There have been many miracles and countless God moments that I’ll put into words when my heart has strength. For now, I’m overwhelmed with relief that she’s at peace but I’m also feeling crushed by a pain so intense i can’t put it into words. I let it out a bit at a time, like when you gently twist the lid off a liter soda bottle...releasing the built up pressure a little at a time to keep it from exploding all over the place. I guess it’s like that. I’m twisting the lid on my grief gently. Because if i release it all at once, i don’t see how i could possibly survive. Gentleness has been my most effective approach on grief these last months, gentleness for myself and for all the beloved mourners by my side. We have complete faith in there being a greater purpose of this tragedy (and it’s already unfolding through your stories of renewed hope), but unfortunately, faith is not a “get out of pain free” card, and that’s okay. I don’t know how to do this, so for now we’ll continue one day at a time held by the grace of God, the support of loved ones and the prayers of strangers who have become friends. #stevielynnstock #dipg #starsforstevie
How do you put worst case scenario into words? That’s what I’m sitting here trying to figure out, in between holding my baby and hyperventilating with my head between my knees. Today we learned the news that Stevie’s tumor is a form of cancer called DIPG (diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma). And it has a 0% survival rate. We are shattered. Broken. Gutted. Somehow my body continues to produce tears and ugly crying has become my only release. We will be spending the rest of the week in the hospital to discuss treatments that will make the rest of her life more comfortable. Then we will be headed home where she can be comfortable with her brothers and puppies and we can cherish our sweet girl and heal as a family. I won’t pretend to understand why we have to go through this or what Gods purpose is in this pain, but my faith in Him is the only constant i have right now and I’m holding to it with every ounce of strength i posses. He knows our pain and He carries it with us. I know many of you love her dearly and this is ripping you in half too, and your instinct will be to fight and to push and to advocate and to try to save her—i know because those are our instincts too. But the reality of her prognosis is real. We have literally consulted and met with dozens of the top pediatric neurologists, neurosurgeons and oncologists. We would go to the ends of the earth to save her if we could. For all those who have been praying for a miracle with us, keep praying, but please know that Stevie’s miracle, our miracle may not come in the way you’re praying. But God is good and it WILL come and one day we will all understand the purpose in this pain. But for now we surrender. We surrender to her prognosis and that which we can’t control. We give her the best of everything she needs to be happy and pain free and we teach ourselves and our children how to make these final memories happy ones, ones we can hold onto and cherish, memories that make us smile even if we’re smiling through tears. #dipg
Die Nachricht um die Schock-Diagnose teilte Ashley bereits damals mit ihren 426.000 Followern: "Nach einigen Untersuchungen brachte man mich in einen Raum mit vier Ärzten. Mein Magen drehte sich um, als sie mir eine Box mit Taschentüchern reichten und die Nachricht überbrachten, dass unser süßes Baby einen großen Tumor im Hirn hat." Die 3-Jährige hatte keine Überlebenschance.
My unbreaking. I’m working every single second to keep my thoughts present, in this moment, rather than spiral into the fear of the “future possibilities” and “what if’s”. But sometimes i break, the flood gates open and i give myself permission to sit alone and cry while Stevie sleeps. Update: we are admitted and in the oncology unit at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. We are surrounded by compassionate super hero healthcare workers who are already leaving their mark on our hearts. Ben and i still can’t be here with Stevie together (Covid precaution) and that’s a level of soul crushing i can’t even put into words—to not be able to comfort each other during the worst moments of both our lives, to not hold hands and cuddle our daughter together????. Stevie begs to be home with her pups and brothers and her own bed. She’s getting more lethargic by the hour, little appetite, not herself. Right now, all we do is wait and it’s unnerving. We don’t know any more conclusive information until her MRI—which is now scheduled for tomorrow (time TBD). Stevie is beyond brave and i see her working so hard to make the most of this and tolerate her discomfort. I snuck home for an hour today to squeeze my boys and be honest with them about what’s happening with Stevie. We cried together, prayed together and made promises to give grace and show up for each other in this time—i think they got it. Your outpouring of love, compassion, support and prayers is felt beyond measure. We can literally feel your hearts opening to us and that has helped us feel less alone in this scary season, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. #stevielynnstock
Die Familie versuchte die letzte Zeit, die Stevie blieb, ihr so angenehm wie möglich zu machen. Sie feierten noch ihren dritten Geburtstag zusammen. Neben der kleinen Stevie haben Ashley und ihr Mann noch zwei Söhne.